By Jackie Houchin

One thousand words, what a little thing. A one and three zeroes. Anyone could do that, right? Why I could talk that in about 10 minutes.  How fast are my fingers on the keys?  Well, I do think faster than I can type….acurately, that is.  Well, here goes. One thousand words, and I’m timing it. Will it take longer than ten minutes?  Because that’s all I have before going to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription.

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     My name’s Susan Sweeney. I’ve been needing a prescription for a while. A pick-me-upper but one that doesn’t leave you jittery or sweaty or nervous. My doctor told me about one just a month ago at my annual exam when I complained of chronic fatigue syndrome.  He said that’s not what I had. I was just not getting enough sleep and to try sleeping pills first to help me snooze like a baby . He had some samples right there in the office.  I accepted them and then took them for a week. I didn’t sleep more, but remained in a state of drowsiness all day long.  I went back to see him.

     “Okay, there is this new pill out,” he said, “barely fresh from clinical trials. It’s a calming pick-me-upper.  It works I’m told very well for people like you, Susan, although I don’t know anyone personally who’s tried it yet.  You will be the first. And there are a few side effects. Want to be a guinea pig?

     Well, sure, why not. What did I have to lose for a month’s free supply? The possibility of becoming an actual pig?  Yep, that’s what the bottle says.  But, hey, who are they fooling, how does a human turn into an animal? Besides, the results? They were glowing to say the least.

One day later. 

     So I took the first pill – pink and round – upon rising, as prescribed.  By noon I seemed to have more energy than usual.  I took a 3 mile walk on my lunch break. Feeling good!  I had a bit more of an appetite that night, but I figured I must have walked off a gazillion calories at noon, so I could afford an extra serving of buttered cornbread with my five-meat chili.

One week later. 

     Wow, I’m cruising in high gear There’s no end to my energy. I rise, take a pink pill – have a little burp. Did I tell you they make me burp? They do, but no problem, I cover my mouth.  Today however, the burp tasted good. Like the fried chicken I had last night. I tried to burp again, but couldn’t. But I definitely had fried chicken on my mind when I went to work.  On the  ten o’clock break, I slipped down to the cafeteria and ordered the three-piece chicken special.  Oh, wow!  Finger-licking good! So were the thick fries that went with it. Never mind the elevator, I powered up the three flights of stairs like nothing. When I burst through the office door I emitted a little squeal. I felt so good.  The others gazed at me curiously, shook their heads and went back to work.

     At noon, I grabbed two hot dogs from the stand on the street corner before jogging on my five mile tour around the business district. At about half way, I got a burst of feel-good energy and squealed my delight. A couple of businessmen looked at me askance. I wiggled my snout, er nose, at them and they stepped back to let me pass.  At home, two phone-ordered pizzas with everything was my dinner.  I chowed them down so fast I was sort of snorting. No, not really.  It was just tiny noises of pleasure, really.

One month later, at the end of the trial period.

     Today, I was on a cloud of euphoria. I’d been “picked up” as far as I could go. I was sailing high in the sky. I was languishing on the earth below.  Ah, this warm mud felt good on my skin.  Isn’t this what spas recommend for cleansing your skin’s pores?  I wiggled deeper. So good. I turned my head and reached out my snout toward the food dish. Wow, I could reach it without getting out of the delicious, sucking mud. Ah… mixed hominy with chitlin’s, corners of buttered and jellied toast, chicken skins, mush, pizza crust ends softened in thick white gravy. Oh this was heaven.

     I should call in a vacation day today and just enjoy this pleasure. No, wait, this was the third day of vacation. Oh, who needs work. I will just lie here in this warm mud and eat. Burp. Oopsie. Sorry. Tee-hee-hee. Snort, snort. Giggle, what a blast vacation is. I wiggled my butt deeper down but couldn’t quite scratch that itch. Clumsily I pulled off my elastic-waist over-sized slacks. Next came my panties, although they were hard to grasp with my two fingers. Two fat fingers with horny ends. Oh, I must get to my manicurist. Anyway, slacks and panties off I wiggled my now bare butt in the mud and squealed in pleasure. That extra little curlie-cue thing at the end of my spine was so pleasurable when rubbed.

     I wiggled out of my super-sized stretch Tee and, oh, hey!  I wasn’t wearing a bra now anyway.  My boobs slid into the soft, warm, mud and I squealed long and loud with pleasure. Now for just a little more slop in that dish. It was warm too and had buttermilk added, and some corn that seemed freshly sliced from cobs and bits of tasty cornbread. I love cornbread! I smeared the mess around my mouth and face. It was so yummy. I licked with my long tongue. I could even lick in my nostrils with my tongue. Haha. I don’t need a hankie or tissue anymore!  I don’t need anything! Just the pretty pink pill each morning. Would that nice man bring it? 

     “Suzie!” he called and I grunted myself to my feet. Oh, it was so much easier to stand on four feet than two. 

     There he was with my breakfast pail!  “Soouueeee!”

     Did he have the special pill?  My special pretty pig pill?  He’s pouring my soupy, slippery breakfast into the trough!  Splat, splosh!  And then…then…from his pocket he drew a….. NO!  I’d never seen THAT before!  Not a special calming pick-me-upper, pretty little pill, but…..a sharp, mean-looking knife.  

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Jackie Houchin, copyright January 21, 2018